Our Greatest Gift (最大的禮物)

不久前基道書樓推了一些書出來特賣，首兩位回應他們貼文的讀者可獲八折購書，我因而有幸入手了盧雲神父（Henri Nouwen）的《最大的禮物：生與死的靈性關顧》（Our Greatest Gift: A Meditation on Dying and Caring）的英文原著。若想像一位神父寫對死亡的反省，你可能會猜他會用死後復活的希望來安慰你。然而，整本小書都沒有提復活，直到最後他才解釋為什麼。

書主要分成兩部分：「安然離世」（Dying Well）和「妥當照顧」（Caring Well）。如果你有讀過盧雲神父的書，你便知道他是一位能動人心弦的天主教靈修作家，以至賣基督新教書籍的基道都會出售他的書。他去世前十年都在加拿大多倫多的「黎明之家」服事智能障礙者，用愛陪伴他們走過一生。在書中，有幾段說話是非常感人的，抄錄如下，中文部分是我自己的翻譯，當然無法譯出盧雲神父原文的美。

死亡的意義，就是讓眾生透過這共同的命運，連結在一起：

A good death is a death in solidarity with others... if we grow in awareness that our mortality, more than anything else, will lead us into solidarity with others, then death can become a celebration of unity with the human race.  Instead of separating us from others, death can unite us with others; instead of being sorrowful, it can give rise to new joy; instead of simply ending life, it can begin something new... The mystery of life is that we discover this human togetherness not when we are powerful and strong, but when we are vulnerable and weak. (Dying Well, p. 24-25)

善終，乃是與他人一起面對死亡……如果我們逐漸意識到，人都會死的事實比起任何事都更能引領我們與他人連結，那麼死亡便可化作與眾生連結的慶典。死亡不但不會將我們與他人分隔，反而能將我們與他人連結；死亡非但不會帶來悲傷，反而能孕育新的喜悅；死亡非但不會終結生命，反而能開啟新的篇章……生命的奧秘在於，我們並非在強大無比之時，而是在脆弱無助之時，才真正發現人類的這種聯結。（《安然離世》，第24-25頁）

作為照顧者，根本不需要特別做什麼，陪伴便是最好的禮物：

Caring... is being present to people as they fight this ultimate battle... Mary's standing under the cross is the most moving expression of that care. Her son died in agony.  She was there: not speaking, not pleading, not crying.  She was there, reminding her son by her silent presence that, while she could not keep him for herself, his true sonship belongs to the Father, who will never lease him alone.  She helped him recall him own words: "The time will come... when you will leave me alone.  And yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me" (John 16:32).  Mary encouraged Jesus to move beyond his experience of abandonment and to surrender himself into the embrace of his Father. (Caring Well, p. 58)

關懷……就是在人們經歷這場終極之戰時陪伴在他們身邊……站在十字架下的瑪利亞正是這種關懷最令人動容的體現。她的兒子在痛苦中死去。她就在那裡：不說話，不哀求，不哭泣。她只是默默地陪伴她的兒子，提醒他，雖然她無法將他據為己有，但他真正的兒子身份屬於天父，天父永遠不會讓他孤單。她幫助他想起自己說過的話：「看，時辰要來，……你們要……撇下我獨自一個，其實我並不是獨自一個，因為有父與我同在。」（若16:32）瑪利亞鼓勵耶穌超越被遺棄的痛苦，交託自己於天父的懷抱。（《妥當照顧》，第58頁）

作為被關顧者，要放下尊嚴與各種執著，坦然接受被關顧：

Jesus moved in his life from action to passion.  For several years, he was extremely active preaching, teaching, and helping, always surrounded by large crowds and always moving from place to place.  But in the Garden of Gethsemane, after his last supper with his disciples, he was handed over to be the object of actions by others.  From that moment, Jesus no longer took initiatives.  He no longer did anything, Everything was done to him... When he finally said, "It is fulfilled" (John 19:30), he meant not only "All I needed to do I have done," but also "All that needed to be done to me has been done to me."  Jesus completed his mission on earth through being the passive subject of what others did to him. (Caring Well, pp. 84-85)

耶穌的一生從「主動」（也解「行動」）轉向了「被動」（也解「苦難」）。幾年來，他極度活躍地傳道、教導和幫助他人，總是被熙熙攘攘的人群簇擁著，奔波於各地。但在革責瑪尼園，與門徒們共進最後晚餐後，他被交託給眾人，成為他人行動的對象。從那一刻起，耶穌不再主動行事，不再做任何事，一切都由他人為他而做……當他最終說「完成了」（若 19:30）時，他的意思不僅是「我要做的都做了」，也意味著「所有要在我身上做的事都被做了」。耶穌以被動的方式接受他人在他身上所做的一切，完成了他在世上的使命。（《妥當照顧》，第 84-85 頁）

他為什麼不提復活呢？在《結論》中他認為，若我們簡單地用「死後會復活，大家會再聚」便對死亡這題目草草帶過，那對死亡與臨終的思考便不夠認真。復活是神的恩寵，也是基督徒信仰的基石，正如保祿宗徒的名言：「假如死人復活是沒有的事，基督也就沒有復活，假如基督沒有復活，那麼，我們的宣講便是空的，你們的信仰也是空的。」（格前15:13-14）不過，這不等於人生在世是無意義的，也不等於臨終的過程是無意義的。隨時到來的死亡迫使我們每天審視人生的優先序，迫使我們珍惜，迫使我們反省，也迫使我們去愛：

Jesus's resurrection was the full affirmation of his Father's love.  He showed himself only to those who knew about this love... Probably no other event in human history has had such importance while at the same time remaining so unspectacular... The hiddenness of Jesus' resurrection is important to me.  Although the resurrection of Jesus is the cornerstone of my faith, it is not something to use as an argument, nor is it something to use to reassure people... The resurrection does not solve our problems about dying and death... The resurrection is God's way of revealing to us that nothing that belongs to God will ever go to waste... it does reveal to us that, indeed, love is stronger than death.  After that revelation, we must remain silent, leave the whys, wheres, hows, and whens behind, and simply trust. (Conclusion, pp. 99-101)

耶穌的復活完全印證了天父的愛。他只向那些明白這份愛的人顯現……或許人類歷史上沒有任何其他事件像耶穌的復活那樣重要，卻又如此低調……耶穌復活的隱密性對我而言至關重要。雖然耶穌的復活是我信仰的基石，但它並非用來論證或安慰他人的依據……復活並不能解決我們關於死亡的困惑……復活是神向我們啟示的方式，即祂所擁有的一切都不會白白被浪費……它向我們揭示，愛的確比死亡更強大。在領受這項啟示之後，我們必須保持沉默，放下對「為什麼」、「在哪裡」、「如何」和「何時」的追問，只需全然信靠。（《結論》，第99-101頁）

不知為何，盧雲神父的一些句子經常會突然觸動我的心，會有一剎那深深的感動。譬如讀到「人類歷史上沒有任何其他事件像耶穌的復活那樣重要，卻又如此低調」時，我不知怎的，覺得非常震撼：對啊！當然，這經驗很個人，就不是理性能清楚解釋的了。