2021-10-08

Celibacy (獨身)

保祿宗徒曾經寫下:「我認為男人不親近女人倒好……我本來願意眾人都如同我一樣……但若他們節制不住,就讓他們婚嫁,因為與其慾火中燒,倒不如結婚為妙。」(格前7:1,7,9)

其實當時的宗徒不少都有家室(谷1:30),以至教會其實也一直沒有要求神職人員獨身,只是到了十一世紀時越來越多神職人員斂財後把財產交給自己的後代繼承(保管),才開始禁止婚嫁(額我略改革之一)。那為什麼保祿宗徒會提倡獨身呢?著名的蘇菲派神秘主義詩人魯米(Rumi)便有一篇很有趣的短文,揭示了部分原因:

A Man and A Woman Arguing
一男一女在爭吵

One night in the desert
a poor Bedouin woman has this to say
to her husband,

在沙漠裏的一個晚上,
一個窮困的貝都因女人要向她的丈夫說這些

"Everyone is happy
and prosperous, except us! We have no bread.
We have no spices. We have no water jug.
We barely have any clothes. No blankets

「人人都快樂富裕,唯獨我們!
我們沒有麵包、香料、水壺。
我們幾乎沒有衣服。沒有毯子。

for the night. we fantasize that the full moon
is a cake. We reach for it! We're an embarrassment
even to the beggars. Everyone avoids us.

晚上,我們幻想滿月就是蛋糕,我們還伸手去拿!
連乞丐都會覺得我們丟臉,所有人都避開我們。

Arab men are supposed to be generous warriors,
but look at you, stumbling around! If some guest
were to come to us, we'd steal his rags
when he fell asleep. Whos is your guide
that leads you to this? We can't even get
a handful of lentils! Ten years' worth
of nothing, that's what we are!"

阿拉伯男人應該都是慷慨的戰士,
但看看你,失意潦倒!
若有客人來找我們,我們也會趁他睡著時偷掉他的破衣服!
誰是你的導師,把你弄到這個田地?
我們甚至連一把小扁豆都沒有!
十年了,一無所有,這就是我們!」

She went on and on.
"If God is abundant, we must be following
an imposter. Who's leading us? Some fake,
that always says, Tomorrow, illumination
will bring you treasure, tomorrow.

她絮絮不休:
「如果神是豐盛的,那我們一定是跟隨了一個冒充者(假的神)。
誰在帶領我們?某個假的神,
某個老是說:明天,覺悟會為你帶來寶藏的,就在明天。

As everyone knows, that never comes.
Though I guess, it happens very rarely, sometimes,
that a disciple following an imposter can somehow
surpass the pretender. But still I want to know
what this deprivation says about us."

眾所周知,這(覺悟)永不會發生。
雖然我猜,這種情況有時候在很微的機會下,
跟隨冒充者的門徒會不知怎的超越冒充者(而覺悟)。
但我還是想知道這種克己(苦修)對我們有什麼好處。」

The husband replied, finally,
"How long will you complain
about mooney and our prospects for money? The torrent
of our life has mostly gone by. Don't worry about
transient things. Think how the animals live.

那丈夫(忍到現在才)終於回復了:
「你還要抱怨錢和我們(黯淡的)前景多久?
我們的人生已流走了大半,別再擔心那些短暫的事情。
想想動物是如何生活的。

The dove on the branch giving thanks.
The glorious singing of the nightingale.
The gnat. The elephant. Every living thing
trusts in God for its nourishment.

鴿子在枝頭上表示感恩。
夜鶯發出嘹亮的歌聲。
蝨子。大象。每一個生物
都信靠神的滋養。

These pains that you feel are messengers.
Listen to them. Turn them to sweetness. The night
is almost over. You were young once, and content.
Now you think about money all the time.

你感受到的這些痛苦是使者。
聆聽它們。把它們變成甜蜜。
黑夜快要結束了。你也曾年輕過,並很滿足。
現在你卻總是在想著錢。

You used to be that money. You were a healthy vine.
Now you're a rotten fruit. You ought to be growing
sweeter and sweeter, but you've gone bad.
As my wife, you should be equal to me.
Like a pair of boots, if one is too tight,
the pair is of no use.

你(本身)曾是那財富。你是棵健康的葡萄樹。
現在你成了一個腐爛的水果。你應該成長,
越來越甜,但你卻變壞了。
作為我的妻子,你應和我一樣。
就像一雙靴子,若其中一隻太緊,那這雙靴子便沒有用。

Like two folding doors, we can't be mismatched.
A lion does not mate with a wolf."

就像兩扇折門,我們不能錯配。
獅子不與狼交配。」

So this man who was happily poor
scolded his wife until daybreak,
when she responded,

所以這個安貧樂道的人
一直罵他的妻子到天亮。
直到她回應:

"Don't talk to me
about your high station! Look how you act!
Spiritual arrogance is the ugliest of all things.
It's like a day that's cold and snowy,
and your clothes are wet too!

「別擺著高姿態跟我說話,
看看你的表現!
靈性上的傲慢是所有事情中最醜陋的。
這就像一個寒冷和下雪的日子,
但你的衣服卻濕了一樣!

It's too much to bear!
And don't call me your mate, you fraud!
You scramble after scraps of bone
with the dogs.

實在忍受不了!
不要叫我你的伴侶,你這個騙子!
你(不過是)和狗一起在追趕(爭奪)骨頭碎。

You're not as satisfied as you pretend!
You're the snake and the snake charmer
at the same time, but you don't know it.
You're charming a snake for money,
and the snake is charming you.

你並不像你裝得那麼心滿意足!
你同時是蛇和弄蛇者,
但你卻不知道。
你是為了錢而玩弄一條蛇,
而那蛇也在玩弄你。

You talk about God a lot, and you make me feel guitly
by using that word. You better watch out!
That word will poison you, if you use it
to have power over me."

你經常談論神,並用這個字讓我感到內疚。
你最好當心!這個字會毒害你,如果你利用它來操控我。

So the rough volume of her talking
fell on the husband, and he fought back,
"Woman,
this poverty is my deepest joy.
This bare way of life is honest and beautiful.
We can hide nothing when we're like this.
You say I'm really arrogant and greedy,
and you say I'm a snake charmer and a snake,
but those nicknames are for you.

她說話時重重的語氣
打擊著她的丈夫,所以他還擊了:
「女人,
這貧窮是我最深的喜樂。
這赤貧的生活方式是誠實而美麗的。
當我們這樣時,我們什麼也不能隱藏。
你說我傲慢而貪婪,
又說我是個弄蛇者和蛇,
但這些暱稱都應按給你。

In your anger and your wantings
you see those qualities in me.
I want nothing from this world.

在你的憤怒和你的欲望中
你在我身上看到了這些品質。
(但)我對這個世界無欲無求。

You're like a child that has turned round and round,
and now you think the house is turning.

你就像一個剛剛在旋轉的孩子,
現在認為房子正在旋轉。

It's your eyes that see wrong. Be patient,
and you'll see the blessings and the lord's light
in how we live."

是你的眼睛看錯了。
若你有耐性,你便會在我們的生活方式中看到祝福和神的光照。

This argument continued
throughout the day, and even longer.

這個爭吵持續了整天,甚至更長。

* * *

這是個很有趣的爭吵。魯米沒說誰是對的,只在最後說這是兩人失去了愛的結果。你也許認為我會覺得女人妨礙了男人的修行。然而,我覺得那女人是一面很好的鏡,能讓那男人誠實地檢視自己,是否真的有貪欲和傲慢。男人會貪的,當然不是錢,而是神秘經驗。聖十字若望便特意寫了整本《心靈的黑夜》,告誡修道人別追求也別留戀神秘經驗,因為覺悟(或神婚)前的感官與心靈都應該像在黑夜一樣,毫無經驗,所謂「神枯」。至於讀了一大堆神學哲學的修道人,會自覺比別人更懂得多,因而變得傲慢。所有教派的老師都會警告大家注意。就像電影《追魂交易》(The Devil's Advocate)裏魔鬼所說的:「虛榮,肯定是我最愛的罪(Vanity, Definitely My Favorite Sin)。」

禪宗《葛藤集》裏有個故事,說有個婆婆供養了個和尚廿年,有天找來一個少女去抱他一下,看看他的反應。怎料和尚無動於衷,冷冷地說:「枯木倚寒岩,三冬無暖氣」。婆婆聽了大怒,立即把他趕走並燒掉茅庵。相反,趙州和尚有天碰上個妙齡尼姑,尼姑對他生起了愛慕,趙州和尚發現後特意掐了她手臂一下,她驚道:「你也有這個在?」趙州和尚平和地說:「是你有這個在。」前者自顧自修道,顯得高高在上,對世人沒有慈悲心;後者則嚐試用智慧,去啟發身邊愛他的人。前者與魯米故事的男人相似,可見他這樣修道是不對的。他連身邊同甘共苦的女人都無法用同理心去關懷,又如何去關懷神所創造的有情眾生呢?

教會修道人要發三個聖願:貞潔、神貧、服從。不少人結婚多年後想修道,但想到已經不是獨身,所以便放棄了。其實結了婚一樣可以守三個聖願。神貧的意思就是放下對物質的貪戀,所以大可把財富都交給伴侶,訓練自己戒除對物質的執著。服從就更不用說了,不少男女之間總想對方聽從自己的指示,無時無刻進行權力鬥爭。若有心修道,只需要不問對錯,絕對服從便成。至於貞潔,就無論你是獨身還是已婚,都應該能理解為什麼是修道人的訓練。如果在俗已婚的挑戰都捱不過,又如何能捱得過在修會的修煉呢?

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