Brida (女巫之環)

來這裏的朋友，大概都知道誰是保羅．科爾賀 (Paulo Coelho)。他就是《牧羊少年奇幻之旅》或譯作《煉金術士》(The Alchemist) 的作者。有人把他歸類成新紀元 (New Age) 作者，他則叫自己為天主教神秘主義者。

小弟三年開始寫網誌，第二篇就已經提到他早期的兩本著作：《朝聖》(Pilgrimage)與《牧羊少年奇幻之旅》。很多人不知道的，是他緊接著《牧羊少年奇幻之旅》後，寫了一個關於一位平凡女子為得到知識而成為女巫的故事，卻一直未有譯成英文。直至去年六月，足足塵封了十八年後，才被翻譯出來出版。以小弟所知，至今未有中文譯本。它就是《Brida》。

科爾賀的小說，要看原文才能欣賞其優美的修辭。所以與其寫書評，不如再像上次介紹《波特貝羅女巫》(Bruxa) 那樣，節錄給大家自己欣賞。又由於未有專業的中譯，以下只是小弟試譯，聊作參考。

很多人滿有理想與渴望，卻因為焦慮與恐懼而浪費一生。以下是關於冒險的：

(She's) always starting things and then giving up... perhaps life would soon realise this and stop presenting her with the same opportunities over and over... Or perhaps, by always giving up when she had only started, she had exhausted all possible paths without even taking a single step. (p. 46)

她總是虎頭蛇尾，也許生命很快便發現並停止再給她一次又一次的機會，亦也許，她已用浪費了所有的機會，最終卻一步都沒有邁出過。

Jesus, sweating blood, was praying to God and asking Him to remove the cup from which he was being forced to drink. But why if he already knew he was the son of God? ...Because he only knew it with his heart. If he was absolutely sure, his mission would be meaningless, because he would not be entirely human. Being human means having doubts and yet still continuing on your path... He had taken a chance and plunged, as all men do, into the Dark Night, knowing that he would only find the answer at the end of his journey...

Lord, we're all in the world to run the risks of that Dark Night. I'm afraid of death, but even more afraid of wasting my life. I'm afraid of love, because it involves things that are beyond our understanding; it sheds such a brilliant light, but the shadow it casts frightens me. (p. 196-197)

為什麼耶穌明知自己是聖子，還會流著血祈求神免去他要喝的苦杯？因為祂只是心裏相信，但並不絕對地肯定，否則祂的任務便毫無意義，因為祂必須是有血有肉的人類。生而為人便代表著要在疑慮之下繼續勇往直前。祂抓著這機會，縱身跳進「黑夜」，就像所有人類一樣，並知道只有在旅程的終點才會有答案。

神啊，我們每個人都在世上冒著「黑夜」的風險。我怕死，但更怕浪費生命。我怕愛，因為它牽涉到我們不瞭解的東西；它發出的光是那樣明亮，但它的暗影實在可怕。

It was important that there were still people... who were not afraid of the Dark Night of the Soul... Each step, each act of faith, redeemed the whole human race anew. As long as there were people who knew that, in God's eyes, all of man's wisdom was madness, the world would continue along the path of light. (p. 225)

有人仍然不怕「靈魂的黑夜」，是很重要的。每一步、每一個純粹出於信念的行動，都會重新拯救全人類一次。只要有人知道，在神的雙眼中，人類的所謂明智都只是瘋狂，世界便能繼續在光明的道路上前進。

又有很多人準備好縱身一跳，卻找不到目標與方向。以下是關於人生的任務：

We plunge into the Dark Night with faith, we fulfil what the ancient alchemists used to call our Personal Legend and we surrender ourselves fully to each moment, knowing that there is always a hand to guide us, and whether we accept it or not is entirely up to us. (p. 156-158)

我們要帶著信心一頭栽進「黑夜」，為著成就古時煉金術士所指的「個人傳奇」。我們只要完全交托給每一個當下，心裏清楚大能的手會指引我們；知道後接受與否亦並不全由得我們。

God placed in the hands of each and every person a Gift, the instrument He used to reveal Himself to the world and to help humanity. God chose human being to be His helpers on Earth. (p. 222)

神在我們每個人手中都留下了一份「禮物」(天賦)、一件祂要用來彰顯自己與幫助人類的工具。祂選擇了我們人類作為祂在地球上的助手。

有關愛情：

The whole of man's life on the face of Earth can be summed up by that search for his Soulmate. He may pretend to be running after wisdom, money or power, but none of that matters. Whatever he achieves will be incomplete if he fails to find his Soulmate. (p. 57)

男人的一生可以歸納成尋找自己靈魂伴侶的旅程。他假裝追求智慧、金錢、或權力，但這些全都不重要。無論他成就了什麼，若缺少了靈魂伴侶，總是會覺得不完整。

There are no risks in Love, as you'll find out for yourself. People have been searching for and finding each other for thousands of years... he might be wrong. There was always a risk, a single risk: that one person might meet with more than one Soulmate in the same incarnation, as had happened millennia before. (p. 103)

愛裏本應沒有風險的。大家都不過在生生世世裏尋找自己的靈魂伴侶；然而，他可能錯了，因為有一個他忘了的風險：就是在同一世裏你可能遇上不只一個靈魂伴侶，千秋如是。

People give flowers as presents because flowers contain the true meaning of Love. Anyone who tries to possess a flower will have to watch its beauty fading. But if you simply look at a flower in a field, you will keep it forever, because the flower is part of the evening and the sunset and the smell of damp earth and the clouds on the horizon... That is what the forest taught me. That you will never be mine, and that is why I will never lose you. (p. 240-241)

人們送花 (給情人)，全因花朵代表了愛情的真諦。誰想擁有一朵花，都要看著它的美慢慢消逝。但若你只是觀賞田野間的花朵，你便永遠擁有它，因為這花屬於黃昏、日落、泥土氣味和天際雲霞的一部分。這就是森林教曉我的：這是你永遠不屬於我，而我亦永遠不會失去你。

有關智慧：

That was the glory of man - to nurture and maintain knowledge. To women was given something far more subtle and fragile, but without which knowledge makes no sense at all, and that thing was transformation... When male knowledgde joins with female transformation, then the great magical union is created, and its name is Wisdom. Wisdom means both to know and to transform. (p. 57-58)

男性的光榮，在孕育與維護「知識」上；女性的任務則較為細膩，雖亦有賴於知識，但卻是在「轉化」上。當男性的知識與女性的轉化力量結合時，偉大的魔法結晶品便會誕生，它的名字叫「智慧」。智慧就是以所知去轉化生命。

No human being who has walked this planet was or is different from the others. The great Teachers from the past had the same qualities and the same defects as all men, and that this in no way diminished their ability to search for God. Judging oneself to be inferior to other people was one of the worst acts of pride he knew, because it was the most destructive way of being different. (p. 95)

每位曾在這星球上生活過的人，其實都無分別，那些所謂大師，他們也有著和凡人一樣的優點缺點，但這無損他們尋找神的能力。判定自己比別人差，其實也是一種差勁的高傲，因為那不過是在說自己與眾不同而已。

Why are we here? ... We don't look for an answer, we accept, and then life becomes much more intense, much more brilliant, because we understand that each minute, each step that we take, has a meaning that goes far beyond us as individuals. We realise that somewhere in time and space this question does have an answer. We realise that there is a reason for us being here, and for us, that is enough.

為什麼我們要生於這世上？對這個問題的答案，我們不應尋找，而是要接受，如此才能讓生命過得更深刻豐盛、更熱熾光亮。只有這樣，我們才會明白每過一分鐘、每踏出一步，都有一個我們作為個體不能瞭解的意義。我們知道，在某個時空層次，這問題是有答案的；我們知道，我們的存在是有原因的。而為我們來說，有這個認知便足夠了。

(You) ought to spend more time reading the Bible, which contains all the true occult wisdom. (p. 113)

你應多讀聖經，因為內裏有齊所有真正的秘教智慧。

書中花了很多篇幅，為女性平反。女人為了事業犧牲兒女，被罵；女人為愛情主動求愛，又被罵。連男人有外遇，都是女人的錯；子女學壞，又是女人的錯；信仰太虔誠，也是女人的錯。結果大多數患抑鬱症的，都是女性。科爾賀疾呼，女人根本不該感內咎：

In her life, every woman can make use of the Four Rings of Revelation... the virgin, the saint, the martyr and the witch... They are four ways in which woman can commune with the Universe... The Virgin has the power of both man and woman. She is condemned to Solitude, but Solitude reveals its secrets. That is the price paid by the Virgin - to need no one, to wear herself out in her love for others, and through Solitude, to discover the wisdom of the world... the Martyr has the power of those who cannot be harmed by pain and suffering. She surrenders herself, suffers and, through Sacrifice, discovers the wisdom of the world... The Saint has the courage of those for whom giving is the only way of receiving. They are a bottomless well from which people can constantly draw water to drink. And if the well runs dry, the Saint offers her blood so that others need never go thirsty. Through surrender, the Saint discovers the wisdom of the world... With that ring (of Witch), the wisdom of the world was discovered through Pleasure. (p. 73-74)

女人在其一生中，可以選用四隻「啟示指環」：處女之環、聖女之環、烈女之環、與女巫之環。它們是四種讓女人與宇宙融合的方法。處女之環男女適用，選此途者將要獨對寂寞，由寂寞啟示宇宙的奧秘；那是處女的代價：獨善其生，愛至成傷，由靜生慧。烈女之環適用於不怕痛苦者；烈女交托自己，受盡痛苦而後犧牲，從而得到智慧。聖女適用於勇者，她們只能從施捨中獲得，她們是無底的井，讓人們永不覺渴；若一天井水乾涸，聖女將不惜流盡自己的血，繼續潤澤生靈。在犧牲中，聖女找到宇宙的智慧。至於女巫之環，則從快樂中得到智慧。

May the Virgin Mary free us from those marks and put an end for ever to our sense of guilt. We feel guilty when we go out to work because we're leaving our children in order to earn money to feed them. We feel guilty when we stay at home because it seems we're not making the most of our freedom. We feel guilty about everything, because we have always been kept far from decision-making and from power.

願童貞瑪利亞把我們 (女性) 從我們的社會標籤與罪咎感中釋放出來。我們不但工作時感內咎，因為我們要丟下自己的小孩去賺錢養育他們；我們在家時亦內咎，因為我們彷彿浪費了自己的自由。我們對什麼都感內咎，因為我們一直遠離決策與權力。

May the Virgin Mary remind us always that it was the women who stayed with Jesus when all the men fled and denied their faith. That it was the women who wept while he carried the cross and who waited at his feet at the hour of his death. That it was the women who visited the empty tomb, and that we have no reason to feel guilty. (p. 117-118)

願童貞瑪利亞不斷提醒我們，當耶穌受難時，男人都逃走了，留下陪伴祂的，都是女人。當祂背負著十架時，為祂流淚的是女人；當祂嚥氣在架上時，在祂腳下守候的也是女人；當祂復活時，亦是女人首先發現墳墓空了。所以女人完全不應為任何時感到罪咎。

來，釋放自己，一起投入「黑夜」吧！